Listening to God

So God speaks to us.  We're supposed to listen and obey.  That's it.  No questions asked (albeit NOT blind faith).  It's simple, right?  The Father tells us to do something, we do it; just like we should with our earthly fathers (honor your parents).  However, in practice, it's not that easy to be obedient.
Disclaimer:  I do not claim to be any kind of Biblical scholar, and this is not going to be a deep-seeded, profound message on the Word of God and its implications in our lives.  I simply want to share a personal story about listening to God, being obedient, and the joy it brings.
Quick background on me:  My parents are musicians.  They met when my dad's band was looking for a singer and my mom answered.  Thirty years later, they have three kids who have inherited the same passion for music.  My oldest brother has been a drummer longer than I've been alive (he got his first set on his 2nd birthday - a year before I was born).  He has been sitting in with mama and daddy in the band since he was 7? 8? 9? 10?  Somewhere in there (hey, I'm 3 years younger and those three years make a HUGE difference in memory capacity).  The point is, he's been playing for a while.  At the same time, since I was 5, I've been jumping up on stage and singing with my mama.  My first solo debut was when I was 5 at Halby's Delicatessen (it's been closed for a while -- you missed out!  Delicious food!!).  I sang "This Little Light of Mine" with Lightening Wells playing the guitar.  He is a local legend!  Fast forward about 10 years.  My other brother picked up the bass guitar when he was in high school and my daddy taught him how to play.  Many bands had come and gone between my parents and brothers before we all started playing together.  I don't know if you have anything that you do with your family, but it's a feeling that nothing else can invoke.  I highly recommend finding something!  Anyway, we have a band.  It's called Individually Twisted.  There have been several variations of IT based on who is playing with us.  My brothers were in a different band together and sometimes, they weren't able to play gigs with us so we had to find another drummer and bass player to fill in.  We've had keyboard players and other singers.  The core is, and has always been, mama and daddy.  No matter who was playing with us, as long as mama and daddy were there, I knew I was where I was supposed to be.  But when the boys are playing, there's a connection that is unparalleled.  There's this one song, "Like the Way I Do" by Melissa Etheridge that we play, and there's this one part at the end where it's just instruments and everyone is jamming.  Mama and I are dancing around, me banging the tambourine against my leg (and bruising it many times).  Everyone is in sync and it's powerful.  I close my eyes and breathe in the indescribable notion that this is my family and we are ONE.  Any negative feelings melt away and I'm at peace with everything.  I don't know how else to describe it.  It's just amazing!
What about listening to God, Jordan??  What happened to that?
I haven't forgotten my purpose for this blog.  The details of my background and family are essential for what I'm getting to next.
When I was 20, I start going to church.  I've always believed in God, and had been a visitor in a few churches, but until I started going to Ridgecrest, I didn't know what it meant to have a personal relationship with Christ.  Wow.  I think I'm just realizing that.  Sweet!  Anywho, I start going to church and learning about God and who He is.  I feel Him pulling me to him, until one afternoon (September 24, 2007), I ask Christ into my heart.  It was an amazing feeling.  I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  I was excited and filled with a joy that I had never felt before.  Thoughts in my head had begun to change.  Words from my mouth had begun to change.  Things I was interested in had begun to change.  One thing that has never changed, though, is my passion for music.  I started listening to Christian music.  About this time, Ridgecrest had added the Exalt service at 9:45 and I got plugged into that ministry by running sound.  That was back when Packy was playing his acoustic guitar (with Jason on bass, Denny on drums and Jenny H. singing before she had her baby).  I would sit back, turn the knobs, move faders, push buttons (I love buttons!), and sing along with every song.  I wanted so badly to ask Packy if I could sing with him, but I never had the confidence to do it.
Time passed.  Things changed.  The Deans took over Exalt worship when Packy and Stephanie left.  I want to say that they were a step up from Packy, but not because they were better.  I absolutely LOVE acoustic guitars!!  I mean that they brought the full band, more guitars and more voices.  It was a bigger sound job.  More knobs to turn, faders to move and buttons to push (I love buttons!).  With them, they also brought Molly.  Molly is a few years younger than I am with a voice that's as natural and powerful as my mom's (I'm sure I could have made a more relative comparison for my readers to understand, but to me, my mom's voice is at the top of all voices that I love -- so the comparison is a compliment to Molly!).
It would be so awesome to sing with the Exalt band!  But there is no way I could do that.  I can't sing like Molly! was a thought I often had.
More time passed.  I stopped doing sound because I was in my last year of school, student teaching, and was not going to be able to devote as much time to it as I wanted to.  I totally intended on going back when I graduated and was home permanently.  That brings us to this past January.
I went to Winter Conference in Gatlinburg, TN with some of the youth.  It was a great weekend.  I got to hear the popular Clayton King speak, as well as some others, and the worship leader was the famous Carl Cartee.  "Let the world see..."  :)  Yes, that Carl Cartee.  I got so much out of that weekend, through time spent with some of the girls, time spent in the mountains that God created, through the messages brought during the sessions, and definitely through the music.  I think if there's one way that God speaks to me, it's through music.  I've heard his still, small voice many times through the sound of His music.  Carl Cartee probably had a greater impact on me than he knows.  During one of the worship times, between songs, Carl talked about listening to God and being obedient.  That hit me like a punch in the gut.  Let me back up for a second.  For the past year, I had been hearing God tell me that I NEEDED to sing at church.  Almost every time the pastor would say something at the end of the message like "ask God what your next step is" or anything with the word OBEY, I would hear Him say "SING!" and think of a thousand reasons not to, which was always funny (weird funny, not haha funny) considering my passion for music and singing.  Okay, back to Mr. Cartee.  He said that, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I finally said, "Okay, God.  Take me there!"  And on the last day of the conference, maybe an hour before we left, God took me down to the stage where I talked to Carl Cartee about singing and Carl prayed for my boldness to obey the Lord.  It took a couple of weeks after getting back home to find that boldness to talk to Hubert.  He said, "Sure.  We'll give you an audition and see where to go from there" (my paraphrase).  I sang "Follow You" with Phyllis for the audition.  They said that it was awesome and that they looked forward to me singing with them in the future.  On March 25, I sang for the first time with the Exalt band.  It was just one song, "Shout to the Lord" and I thank God that he wasn't asking me to sing the part that I first thought he was, because that wouldn't have been pretty.  They just needed another voice to sing the chorus in the second half of the song.  "Shout to the Lord" was the last song of the service, after the offering and before dismissal.  As they played "Hungry" for the offering, I stood in the front row, with such bad trepidation that my jaw was rattling (not your normal I'm-freezing-cold chattering, but this-may-be-the-last-thing-I-ever-do terrified rattling).  Seriously.  My teeth hurt!  I walked up to Shay and told him that I was singing the next song and was so nervous that I didn't know what to do.  He prayed for me, and almost immediately, this feeling of calm rained down on me.  I was still a little nervous, but I was able to sing since my jaw had stopped rattling!  It was an amazing feeling for several different reasons.  First, the song was powerful!  The spirit of God was all in that song!!  Second, I was finally combining two of my passions in a good and productive way - singing to/about/for God.  And lastly, but most importantly, I realized that I was being obedient to God.  I had been fighting it for a while, but once I submitted to Him, it was amazing.  I stopped worrying and thinking and trying, and I just let Him work in me.  And that is truly a feeling that is unparalleled.  Nowhere, no one and nothing else on earth can do that.
It's funny to me that we fight God so much on what He wants us to do because of what we want to do, but when we submit wholly to Him, we see and feel His blessings and we are filled with a joy that comes from nowhere else but Him.
Fast forwarding a few months, this past June, I got to do something that I had been waiting for for so long to do.  I got to sing with Molly.  I was both extremely excited and extremely nervous to do so.  I was telling my daddy about it and he simply asked me "Why?"  Why was I nervous to sing with her.  My answer:  She's amazing!  Her voice  far surpasses anything I could ever dream to do with mine.  He said, "That's ridiculous.  Don't compare yourself to anyone else and let that stop you.  Be great at what you're great at, and she'll be great at what she's great at.  You're not the same person, so you won't have the same strengths" (again, my paraphrase).  Let me make this clear: Molly is not a god, I do not worship her, she is not an idol.  However, I admire her and absolutely LOVE her voice!  She intimidated me for a long time.  But after talking to my dad, I remembered that God made us all with different and special gifts.  Molly and I both have a gift of song, but they are completely different.  I got to the first practice with Molly on Wednesday night and I confessed that I was so excited to sing with her, and to my surprise, she was just as excited to sing with me!  That was just so cool!!
And all because I listened and obeyed God!  I took a little longer to obey, but God is persistent.  AND GOOD!!
Have faith.  Don't hesitate.  Simply obey.

Rae-inspired Blog

I love to read Rae Francis' blogs. She always makes me smile. This is why I also love to talk to her, travel with her and just know her in general. She is an wonderful girl growing into an amazing woman. I know that Marc and Joan are so proud of her! She is one of the people I am thankful for and this is my note to her (if you listened to Shay on Sunday, you know what I'm talking about). Thanks, Rae, for being a great example of what it looks like to truly follow God and for always smiling. It's infectious and I can't help but to smile when I see you. :)Rae's blogs often consist of lists of things she loves or quick "snippets" of her thoughts on a subject (or many subjects) or something along those lines. She usually includes fantastic photos of whatever she's talking about. But the thing I love most about her blog is that it's always positive. When I read it, I can really hear her saying these things in her upbeat and happy voice. And they always give me something to think about, whether it's a Bible verse or how to get more involved with my photography or that I should be more appreciative of what I have.

This last point is what I plan on doing here today. The last few blogs I've posted have been long ramblings about all the things I have to do and how it's stressing me out. Rae reminds me that I have so much to be grateful and thankful for. So this is my list:

I'm thankful for... Rae Francis and her infectious positivity and understated encouragements!

I'm thankful for... GOD! That He has a plan for me and

my life (something that I don't have to sit down on Sunday evenings to do myself). That He is patient with me and takes me back every time. That He loves me so much that He would send His one and only son to die for me. That He knows everything about me; every hair on my head (I often think of this and just cannot wrap my head - or hair - around it. I mean, I don't even know every hair on my head!!). That He hears me and answers my prayers (in His way, in His time). That He is here, no matter what, and He will always be here. Who else can say that?

I'm thankful for... the internet and its endless resources when I'm tired of thinking for myself.

I'm thankful for... my wonderful parents. They are supportive and caring and want the best for me. They love me for me, even when I'm being a pain. They remind me who I am whenever I forget. I'm getting married this summer (in less than 60 days!!) and I'm taking that boy's last name, but I will forever be a Wilson, and I couldn't be any more proud of that!

This is my 2nd favorite picture of me and my daddy. The first favorite is from when I was a wee little tot and I don't have it on my computer. :(

Most pictures I have with my mama now usually include microphones! She sings pretty! :)

I'm thankful for... Casting Crowns. My absolute favorite band. I don't think they've come out with a song that I don't love. Ironically, I still don't have any of their CDs. Weird!

I'm thankful for... K-Love for playing Casting Crowns when I need it! (and other great songs that remind me of who God is and what He's done for us)

I'm thankful for... my UNCG supervisor. If you read my last blog or have talked to me recently about my student teaching, you know that I've been struggling in it. Let me just tell you, if it weren't for my supervisor, I can promise you that I wouldn't still be a student teacher. I can't imagine what I'd be doing, but I know it wouldn't be this. He has faith in me and lets me (and everyone else) know it. He won't let me forget that he knows I can do this. He also doesn't accept my crap when I try to slack off. He knows when I'm doing my best and will only accept that. Great man, he is!

I'm thankful for... teacher workdays! Tomorrow is one. Our first break in a LONG time. We had a half day a while ago, but it was so long ago that I don't even know when it was. I'm still gonna try to get there when I usually do (around 8) because my daddy will be in town and I plan on having lunch with him. :)

I'm thankful for... not getting a parking ticket when I parked outside my dorm all last week. I hope I didn't just jinx myself because I fully intend on parking out there this week, as long as there is a parking spot.

I'm thankful for... Karla not dying in a car accident last week. She's my best friend, my soul sister. She's in New York right now, planning on being home mid-April. If I could drive up there right now and bring her home, I absolutely would!! I miss her and am so grateful that she wasn't hurt anymore than she was in the accident.

I'm thankful for... cheeseburgers. It's dinner time!

This is just INSANITY!

There are many things that can be placed into the "insanity" category for me.

• First and foremost, how long it's been since I've posted a blog. I'm terrible, I know. So if anyone still reads this, I so appreciate it! :)
• Then, there's the fact that it's March 24. March. 24. Less than two months away from May 21. That would be my wedding day! I'm very excited, but beginning to feel the stress coming. I am naturally a procrastinator. Wedding planning isn't really the time you want to be a procrastinator. We only have a few things left to do, but they're pretty BIG things to take care of, that probably should have been done by now. They will get done. They HAVE to!
• It's also March 24. Closer to April 15, which is technically the last day of my student teaching. Yay! I could devote an entire blog about on this subject. I'll keep it confined to a paragraph... or, really, a sentence (which may turn into a string of seemingly unrelated words that only fit together in the context of my head). Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Frustrated and excited and love the kids, even though they are weird and crazy, feel stifled, no confidence, ready for my own class, stressful, really enjoy the good days, like to freak the kids out by smiling at weird times or dancing. There is a chance that I may miss some of them right after I leave because many of them are funny and incredibly smart and downright cool kids. There aren't any that I genuinely cannot stand to be around, which is good. I will be happy to not have the part-time responsibility for them anymore. That sounds weird, but I am just ready for my own class and my own kids. That will suffice for this topic.
• I could not be anymore frustrated with the house hunt situation Blair and I are in. We find something we like and something always happens. I know that if it's meant to be, it will be. I understand that. That's how I got him. :) I'm not frustrated with losing any particular house... I'm frustrated with searching and looking and clicking and being in Greensboro while trying to find a home in Durham.
• There are 75 gazillion things that I'm supposed to be thinking of while I'm teaching. Content, management, motivation, remediation, rigor, extension, missing work, bathroom breaks, discipline cards, phone calls to parents, documentation, meetings, and so many more. There are 239 million things to think of when I leave school. Grading, house search, what shoes for the bridesmaids, how are we going to set up the stage for the ceremony, graduation announcements, breathe, flowers, cake, bridal shower and bachelorette party, when is Karla (MOH) coming home, am I going to see my parents this weekend, when will I see Blair, how am I going to afford gas this week, babysitting, eat dinner, what to pack for lunch, plans for tomorrow... I NEED A SPRING BREAK!!! Guess when Guilford County's spring break starts? April 20th. After I'm done teaching. How did I ever think I could get all this stuff planned and done and taken care of and paid for when I'm supposed to be teaching for 15 straight weeks with maybe two days off??
• Are you there God? It's me, Jordan. I've been living in the Book of James since Metamorphosis. I don't remember how I stumbled upon it, but I decided Saturday morning of that weekend that I would read through James. Then, I realized why I was reading it. I'm living it.

Jordan, trials and tribulations test your faith. Tests of faith build perseverance. Ask for wisdom without doubt and I will provide it. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. Jordan, there is a house for you. You will survive student teaching. Delegate wedding work. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger (frustration). Worry and frustration occur when you aren't trusting in Me, when you aren't praying and fully giving these things to Me. Surrender, baby girl. Surrender to Me! (Remember, God calls me "baby girl" when He speaks to me)

• If you aren't exhausted reading this by now, you will be with this last point. I've also decided to work the 60 day INSANITY program, since my wedding is in less than 60 days. I want to be around where I was when I bought my dress (after a summer of working out - Insanity and Zumba pretty consistently - and 2 weeks in Slovakia, running around, sweating and a more healthy appetite - like, STOP eating when I'm FULL!). I'm not that far from my goal, so that makes me happy. But the workout certainly lives up to its name. I'm not actually doing it everyday yet. I've done it twice this week, Monday and yesterday. Tonight, I went to Zumba at the Rec Center, so I'm still working out, but I kinda have to work my body up to full time INSANITY again.

I was going to say more things, but my brain is fried and my eyes are tired. I guess the point of this blog was to say, "Sorry for not blogging for a while. This is what's going on. PLEASE pray for my sanity and the 37 ka-jillion things that I have to get done/think about every day and my perseverance and motivation to keep working out because I know I feel so much better when my body is in shape!" K thanks. I love you, whoever is reading this!! :)